June cyberwitch's blog

on aeish's blogust-8

June — Fri, 14 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

on aeish's blogus-8

sorry the links don't work right now, making wikilinks work on 11ty is hard. I will do it soon, enjoy the new css lol

This is my first of many responses I will surely have to other people's blog posts. This is from my friend Aeish's post about transitionary periods of life.

This form of response feels like my idea of [[love letters from mars]]. (thank aeish for being there for the entire 5 or so hours of me getting that tattoo)

"A line that the video mentioned, it really stuck with me. They said "We get stuck treating our current circumstances as temporary"." ~ Aeish

A similar instance of the line has always stuck with me "do not let any period of your life be transitionary". First of all as a trans woman, it's funny that I think about my life not being ever a transition period. But I agree so much, recently I caught myself thinking about things I'll do when I start my PhD and decided why not now? So, I decided to make music with random stuff I found. Also this is why I'm writing [[The robot x mechanic (toxic yuri) story]].

"This is not who I was supposed to be. I wasn't supposed to be just some developer in a company, I was meant to do so much more... I sing, dance, write, create art. What about everything else that I am? Will I be content in life to just let these be a hobby while I do a desk job forever?" ~Aeish

I often have the same gripe with game development. I was pretty upset about not being able to get a PhD specfically in game development. I have spent majority of my work/study life doing things related to video games and accepting a PhD in visualization and farming wasn't exactly what I had planned.

There was a particular interview from critical role (they have been removed from everywhere now due to the interviewer being problematic) where they talked about how most of these voice actors were doing random shit untill their 30s (Matt mercer used to work in IT). and I got a tattoo to remind myself of "no matter how late it is, theres always time to do something new".

(heh, transition periods, there is still time, hehe)

So like of course in the future I will do something different. Nothing is permanant, and that something might have to do with games, or music or whatever new interest I have.

I spend weeks sulking about never being able to do video games. Those weeks were important. I learnt that by crying over things I do not think I am going to achieve I will remember them and their importance to me.

I still do video games as a hobby and follow people who i was wishing were part of the same community I was. But now [[people that I can talk to |I am content]] with that, might as well enjoy what I can do about things I love today. (sorry for being live laugh love, I will go back to being toxic mysterious witch soon)

In the meantime, stay weird!

I will Aeish, Thanks. And I hope you do too!

Love, June

The robot x mechanic (toxic yuri) story

June — Fri, 14 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

The robot x mechanic (toxic yuri) story

There's this theory of conciousness where the your sentience is stored in the complexity of your arrangement. By this theory human brain is concious because it is entirely too complex connections of neurons that can be reprogrammed as they fire. The memory is stored in how those connections are made. But these connections do not have to be made of neurons or even be biological.

If there was a set of wires in a network that could be repgrammed as they recieve data from censored, if there was internal networks in storage where function calls chained together as new information came. what makes that collection of complexity not concious or sentient. Even if that entity is concious what makes you sure it has feelings? without hormones and data that simulates those feelings, why would you volunterily have that in your system? Does an ant colony have feelings? does a society of people?I know that I don't.

Looking for what i enjoy while travelling (Blogust-7)

June — Fri, 14 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

Looking for what i enjoy while travelling (Blogust-7)

I don't feel like travelling in cities, I do not enjoy the temples. The only thing that has moved me recently is the 2 am view i got of a road surrounded by feilds leading up to a mountain.

It was yesternight perseids meteors were doing good and the road was so empty it was cloudy but being surrounded by feilds means theres no lights untill the feilds end, just small lights sprinkled on the horizon in every direction.

I played some music and had a cigarette and stared at persieds untill I could no longer see it from the clouds.

{attach picture here} (I don't wanna mess with media right now, but they'll be here soon)

I am travelling to kyoto for about 4 days and then i'll be in osaka for the next 5. I do not know why i chose these places, nothing I could do in kyoto is exciting to me.

On the other hand tokyo is very fun, with it's massive towers and big shopping complexes, so many bookstores and nooks and crannies. So many [[people that I can talk to]]. I love that it has a shopping complex for every random hobby i can come up with.

People I can talk to

June — Thu, 13 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

people that I can talk to

I am realizing my favorite thing to do is talk to new and interesting people. I love knowing what they do in life, and what they think about so many things. I love knowing thoughts and spending time with them for no reason. That is why I love tokyo so much more than paris. Paris is about meeting your friends, at least the english speaking things are about that.

I love my friends and I do love spending time with them. But I don't know why it feels like I can never have enough time. I feel like .... I actually can't figure it out. I love me time too!

Maybe life is just good, I am happy. I am content. And the feeling is uneasy to me....

Perseids and The eclipse (Blogust-6)

June — Thu, 13 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

Perseids and The eclipse (Blogust-6)

I am writing this while sitting on a road surrounded by fields for kilometers. The road has mountain in clouds on one side, forest on the other.

My friends in paris and spain are seeing the eclipse right now. It's 3 am here. I wanted to see the meteors so I found a very remote road between fields. It was very cloudy but I got to see about 8. 3 bright ones

I love astronomical events, I love space so much. I am listening to Ethel Cain's "tempest"

I'm amazed by the ways people have captured the eclipse, through window covers (?) through the trees, through pinhole. Through camera directly pointing at the sun with glasses on. Through the lens flare of the camera

It's so everywhere the sun. We never realize some things are round shaped because the sun is round.

Picking apart what games I like and how to find direction in life (Blogust-5)

June — Wed, 12 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

Picking apart what games I like and how to find direction in life (Blogust-5)

So many things come without a story, I'm talking about video games. To begin with : Minecraft. One of the objectively most famous video games, has no story you explore, mine do random things have your own goal build up and down whatever. People love it. I didn't I played vanilla for 20 minutes before installing a [[kitchensink]] mod, based on [[create]].

I loved it, I loved having a massive quest page with thousands of things to do in a semiguided way. There still isn't a story.

I have been craving a space game for a while, everspace 2 really has been a great game, with excellent writing. I know I will on and off finish that game. But it isn't the Minecraft like survival for me, no building up a base, just your own ship.

I looked at no man's sky, and there seems to be no story, in and full of exploration. I hate the combat in Minecraft, I hate it in everspace 2 (even though it's the main aspect, it's my least favorite part). So today I'm trying to explore why thr concept of no man's sky doesn't sound fun to me.

My primary instinct says it's something about needing some direction in life and needing something to work towards even if I choose from 80 options. I chose 1. No man's sky feels like there will be no options, it's impossible to complete the game. Well life is impossible to complete and it's annoying. There's no "finishing" anything. You can always work on something more. How do you gain dopamine from that? Gta vice city had a goal, I didn't do it. I would steal a car and drive it on water with some cheats. I think what I miss is a rich world, a world where at every corner there's something interesting. Because reality isn't like that. And if im just stimulating reality inside my video game ,,, maybe I should just go outside?

Being dismantled as a robot with no feelings (Blogust-4)

June — Mon, 10 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

Being dismantled as a robot with no feelings

I am covered in rashes that i was too bold to go to in the sun. I know the sun hates me and will make my skin kill itself. Theres a few trans girls on tumblr that talk about being a robot. I often wonder that too. [[ghost in a shell]] the orignal anime film has done irreparable damage to my psyche. Also there was a toxic yuri game jam that i ideated for but couldn't do anything for.

So here's my attempt at starting to write for a story about being disassembled as a junkyard robot, by a mechanic i have fell in love with during the process.

But when I see this human woman sitting on a stool with a screwdriver in one hand

Update: I've decided to make this it's own page [[The robot x mechanic (toxic yuri) story |here]]

Decay is girlhood (Blogust-3)

June — Sun, 09 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

Decay is girlhood

This post is about how to make html websites while sitting in my rotting room of fungal floors, drenched walls, and molded food. There's no place you can step without finding something. How do I define a physical space in the world where everything is just linked to each other? Do my books go in a drawer or a another file that I just get a reference to? How do I store my references, I have 30 files scattered across my room, some are buried under piles of clothes on the floor and others are only accessible through a Google drive folder. Where is my rent invoice I think the due date was last week. I'm sorry writing html is hard and I keep seeing the castle of gin tonic cans that I never drank. It reminds me of structuring flex divs.

I have a fix it complex (Blogust-2)

June — Sat, 08 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

I have a fix it complex

I see a movement or an issue and I want to help. I want to fix it. I see issue with shortage of gaming blogs and I want to start one. I see problems with facism stopping communication and I want to build solutions. I see protests in my country about exams and accountability and I want to give my thoughts on what might be good. I do not think that having my motivation based on what doesn't exist and what needs helping is good for me. I want to help cannot be my personality. I cannot get I to electronics because people aren't doing things made by hand anymore ( I never did those so what is "anymore"). I cannot work on federated pets just because people don't have social interactions through social media, have forgotten virtual pets and cannot be personal anymore (I was never exposed to any of these things). I cannot make live coded music because.... Actually no this is something I have fun with nvm. My point is nostalgia of a time doesn't exist is an awkward source of motivation. Retro futurism from electronics from 2000s is an entire aesthetic based around that. Futurism is the aesthetic that talks about what the future could be like, and makes it into a visual style. What are my hobbies if not an attempt to make a future I missed already.

Midlife Burger (Blogust-1)

June — Fri, 07 Aug 2026 09:00:00 +0900

Midlife Burger

I have so many thoughts about this podcast I'm listening to: [[Midnight burger]]. So in chapter 38: Welcome to the triad. It is like a sidestory episode from the perspective of BertBert and Verge (two lovers? of the space engineer from earth Lief). Its about this rebellion sisters who are tired of the life in triad and how it leeches resources and puts entire planets into debt for using their warp gateways. Like the major idea is exploitation to provide necessities that weren't necessary. There's also the interleaving with Verge's story of forever running away never living and Lief's story too, of leaving earth wanting soemthing changing all the time being so afraid of stagnation. I relate to all of these.

you're always not like the other girls untill you hear the podcast they be listening to and its good!

BUT what i like and relate to most is the idea of doing something drastic, taking big leap of faith and starting new leaving this god forsaken place, being afraid and tired but doing what i want. It reminds me of [[I saw the TV glow]] where you must die to be back into a real world, it reminds me of my own plight of doing my PhD in France. In a way it is doing soemthing drastic and new, but in other ways it is just going back to France, I didn't like my 2 years there. I did not hate it either. Paris genuinly feels like it has no soul. But maybe I have not gone out enough. It is not that I hate the country, it's just that the people aren't welcoming enough. Y'all need to speak in a language everybody in the group can understand, I get it that you are not good at english but by speaking french you just straight up exclude me. I've had the most fun ever in tokyo, the queer scene here is great maybe it is fleeting for people living here. Anyways I'll write more about this someday for sure. For now I leave you with Midnight burger ending episode endings that I don't particularly like because it is not real to me and is like waiting for a saviour to show up but it brings me comfort to hear that charachter say it so:

And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe haven, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for ya.

Next topic is writing about toxic yuri of robot and a junkyard mechanic disassembling her.